Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
