And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
