i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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