Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
