I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
