Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
