Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she smelled like a LAN party
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
