your room smells of hookers.
And success
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize