According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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