There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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