my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
