whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
