Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
