I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize