sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
