Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize