i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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