the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
