wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
