Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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