I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
