Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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