Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
