remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
