I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its not stalking. its research.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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