He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
