one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am one with the molecules
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
