Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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