Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if only i could text you this smell
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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