Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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