Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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