i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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