Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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