I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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