So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
