My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
