C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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