you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
