You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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