If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
