90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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