Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize