Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
