Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish my penis had a tongue
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
