Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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