come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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