Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
did you just send me my own nude
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
