you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
