Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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