OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
