Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
