MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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