Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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