I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
