i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
