I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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