is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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