He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
