Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
