Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize