i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
