when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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