dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
