Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i've created a new STD.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
