I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
