Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
