Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
