Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the day after is always just damage control
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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