I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
