he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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