Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
