There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
