he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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