what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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