1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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