They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Come on in and take your pants off
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