Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
