another moral hangover. fuck.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
