my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
