there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
