please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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