so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
