Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
