when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You may now shotgun with the bride
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize