Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
