In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
