Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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