Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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