You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
