the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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