I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
