She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
