the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
